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Inner Dim

by Caroline Savery

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1.
Haunt 03:50
Haunt take this town, girl take this town it won't buy you no time when your last hour chimes but at least then you'll know where you're going i've gone out searching for something i lack got a chip on my shoulders, pack on my back my feet are killing me and a cold breath is chilling me but where i'm going there's no turning back the bets are high the slopes are steep been thirty miles, boy, ten more before i sleep some people hold blades and others warm spaces but they all hold skulls in their laughing faces cuz there ain't nothing you can keep nothing you can keep oooh all cities are the same all cities are the same they're full of people playing that game yeah all cities are to blame so keep on searching for that flame, boy keep on searching for that flame cuz when the joker comes to stake his claim you won't be wearing nothing but your name nothing but your name oooh take this town, girl take this town it won't buy you no time when your last hour chimes but at least then you'll know where you're going but at least then you'll know where you're going said at least then you'll know where you're going it might your heaven and it might be your hell when you get you going stories to tell stories to tell oooh
2.
Take (free) 03:55
TAKE I take cigarettes now Sucking smoke from the air you don’t breathe Blowing smoke into the space you leave Just to have something to fill it I take anything now Just to have it... push on my skin and show me the boundaries between outside and in So I’ll hold it I won’t let it go I’d kill to be in Your glow In your glow I take alcohol - who doesn’t? To distill the words you left to soak in my ears To drown out the drowning I’d do in my own tears To dull the pain cooler Make it go down smoother Yeah I’d take even meaningless - yes! A big harsh dose of callousness Just to contradict All the meaning you left me sick with to drift in thick with to sit with So I’ll hold it I won’t let it go I’d kill to be in Your glow In your glow Oh no no no Do you even know What you done to me Somehow I don’t think so I don’t think so No no no no So. What can I do What can I do What can I do What can I do Oh what can I do oh what can I do oh what can I do but hold onto you So I’ll hold you I won’t let you go I’d kill to be in Your glow
3.
Ditty 02:39
Ditty I see you I know that you saw me too I forget Etiquette You’re so … oooh I’m going to take you away To my room And make you think you want me too And I’m walking into love but I don’t know it yet And I’m hoping to forget All those choices I will regret It’s just that some things in the moment seem more important It’s so late I am barely awake But I can’t let go of this sweet show You look so pretty. Oh, what are we doing? What... are you doing? What have I done? And I’m walking into hate Oh but it’s too late So I’m hoping to forget All those choices I did regret It’s just that some things in the moment seem more important Hey! You know what I’m talking about You heard what I said I don’t know where’s my head Oh oh oh oh oh! Look Just forget what I said Just forget what I said I’ll see you later Maybe
4.
Gone Gone 03:25
Gone Gone In my quiet moments when no one knows I'm here I have always wondered this Why can't I will myself to not exist? Even just for a few minutes, no I've got these tired limbs and flesh It's always this existence So it's to be oppressed Gone gone and just maybe coming back Gone gone all that's left is a song Gone gone no longer tied to this sack of skin For so long Convincing ignorance of my body doesn't mean it goes away I know better than to think that humans are free cuz we're always subject to this face F Fuck this fuck this responsibility fuck this fuck this to entity Forget this, forget me I was never one to be much Forget this trash, forget this play I'm not substantial anyway... Gone gone and just maybe coming back I wanna be Gone gone all that's left of me is a song Gone gone no longer tied down to this sack of skin For so long Yeah Gone gone and just maybe never coming back I wanna be Gone gone cuz all that's pretty about me is a song Gone gone no longer tied down to this scourge of cells for so long so, so long
5.
Present 04:13
Present I have no reason to walk those streets again the houses mean more to me now than the inhabitants Grown, now I'm just one more unwelcome presence All I might have seen there moves in the past tense Any truth it might have held irreversibly expanded Where there once were whispers and concepts formed there's now a wire fence I walk alone down the paths of my childhood I walk the same down the streets of any neighborhood I wander around since I haven't ever found home Accolades accepting my award on a stage built of their praise How silly to consider my worth in terms of later fame Success cannot be defined by their idea of "best" Happiness cannot be confined to their judgment There's no future in that for me anymore there's no me in that future I don't know where I will go from here I don't know... But for some reason I don't have a reason for it feels all right to just sit here and talk some more when the meaning bleeds out of my words and they become a shell when I lose any stories I had to tell and when time drips past... and I've got no notion to move it by fast when... everything that went before and everything that will become is nothing to what we are, so This is home this is home this is home this is home
6.
Replaceable 03:04
Replaceable I am replaceable, but I never found it so easy to forget you, and fit someone else to you I am exchangeable, but you didn’t come with a warranty and that displeases me cuz you broke, when you left you up and left and i i here and stayed you cut all ties and me there’s not me enough left to tell anymore lies. So I ain’t gonna pretend that I don’t want someone to share even this moment with And I ain’t gonna defend that I do want someone to lay and to wonder with And what’s more no I ain’t gonna rescind my offer to love someone whole-heartedly, but the one thing I really ain’t cut out to do is mend so don’t expect me to bend when I say I am erasable, and I’ll never mean anything more to a man I want, and that’s the sick fucked up truth! yeah that I am disgraceable, cuz I took that fall when you tripped me up. Now I’ve only got this one way left anymore, to fuck you.... up!
7.
Tense 02:17
Tense Tense, yeah, I'm fucking tense Fence, yeah, I'm on the fucking fence Shoulders clenched, wound up round this point of pretense Suffering from your defense Waste, yeah I'm a fucking waste of your time Face, no I'm not ready to face this line If there's one thing you do for me, it's just please don't let me see how little you're going to mean to me how little you're going to mean to me Hope, yeah, hope is dope for the mind Faith, faith is to forget about mankind Wondering is plundering around this cosmic treasure box Desperate and failing to find A reason for this unrest of mind
8.
Forget It 02:22
Forget It there's nothing quite like realizing you never made a mark in your whole damn life there's nothing quite like giving in to the knowledge that you forget you ever had a spark you never made a splash except in your mother's womb you never made a difference except to your lonely bedroom why don't you fall down the stairs? to see if anyone cares? then you'll know, then you'll know just what you're worth your significance is figured by the thickness of the pile of paperwork that defines your existence a stack of codes and numbers cataloging the blunder that your pitiful life has become go on, plug into their society--they've got neat roles to print next to your name no, they're not concerned with identity-- yeah it's a non-entity in their sick game why don’t you fall down the stairs? to see if anyone cares? then you’ll know, then you’ll know just what you’re worth no i'm not telling you anything you haven't thought before i'm just reminding you of what it is that you fought for once why don't you go grab you gatt? and show them where you been at? then they'll see, then they'll see just who you are
9.
Eighteen Wheeler Eighteen wheeler rolling down the track and don't you know I’m never coming back You said hey baby you can come my way as long as you'll be coming back soon one day Oooooh Oooooh Engine coughs smoke railing on And you will never know just why I've gone Upon your bed of dreams you'll wake To lie and die never knowing how I made my escape Oooooh Oooooh And he begs, “why won’t you hate me?” As he starts to slit her throat And she pleads, “why won’t you love me?” As she bleeds upon their hope Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh So you'll wait for me there
10.
Yes 04:20
Yes Walking through a world full of ordinary people Chancing to find under a rock a stranger who changes everything With one word, I'd find an uncommon mind Hope flew, up like a bird but be careful, because the word was Yes the word was yes the word was yes but be careful, because the word becomes goodbye Cursing, an Earth's worth of gods incomplete and undecided Raining, hope down in shards on this one shattered woman's visions Sick, I'm sick and needing a guide through these treacherous waters Then I met one. But he likes to hide and repeal his offered hand inch-by-inch Yes the word was yes but the word became goodbye The word was yes, but he forgot hello the word was yes, but it came out like no the word was yes, but it came out like some other time the word was yes, but it came out like goodbye
11.
I Want Nothing (free) 04:12
I WANT NOTHING I want nothing more I want nothing more what you're offering I want nothing but I want nothing but just what life holds for me There is nothing I see that isn't just right where it's supposed to be I want no thing just to clap and sing! "Why why why" we cry to tomorrow, that a lie lie lie betrays all that follows! why seek truth when there's no proof out there? it's what we share If I strive to perceive then everything seems to slip right past me But when I just let it be there's so much she wants to show me "Why why why" it's our greatest fear that we can't say why we've all been just put here! Desperate to find the core of our unity But what don't we see? I'm not at fault for what I be He's at fault for what he fails to see! There is nothing that exists but everything to take from this "Tiger gets to hunt Bird gets to fly Man gets to ask himself 'why, why why?'" "Tiger gets to rest Bird gets to land Man gets to tell himself he understand."

about

Special thanks to Joy Toujours for believing in it from beginning to beyond. Special thanks to Aaron Fraser and Nate Savery for your encouragement. Thanks to Justine Michael, Eric Venuto, and Jay Johnston for contributing your time and energy to this project that means so much to me. And thanks to everyone for listening!

credits

released June 25, 2011

all songs written by caroline savery (c) 2011

produced and recorded by joy toujours
mixed by joy toujours and caroline savery
mastered by Jay Johnston @ Jaybirds Studios

album photography by Justine Michael (c) 2011
album design by Eric Venuto

Proceeds from the sale of this album go to support production of the independent documentary "Sust Enable: The Metamentary." www.sust-enable.com

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about

Caroline Savery Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

bold and bitter like Fiona Apple,
snarky yet cheeky like Nellie McKay,
moving and loving like Be Good Tanyas,
swinging and swooning like Eilen Jewell.

I'm all about exploring the genres that I love and that influence me.
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